We have been paying attention to fear.
Fear. You know, the reason we stay in go-nowhere jobs or love and get jealous or lose our shit over things.
“What do you mean you want to stay up on the internet again tonight, you jerk!?!”
(Fear of not being worthy or enough. Fear of someone else being better than us. Fear of losing someone we care about. Fear of not being sexy or desirable. Fear of being embarrassed when others find out your partner wants something else. Fear of non-monogamy. Fear of own desires.)
“I haven’t been on a date or had sex in two years. I think I’m going to be alone for the rest of my life.”
(Fear of being seen as not worthy. Fear of being not enough. Fear of missing out. Fear of not looking the part. Fear of being “broken”. Fear of being judged by others.)
“You’re spending too much money all the time! You don’t need that crap!”
(Fear of taking care of someone else. Fear of being seen as ‘poor’. Fear of not having enough. Fear of not being able to meet the needs of our loved ones.)
“Police lights behind me…” even when you know you haven’t done anything wrong.
(Fear of being caught doing something wrong anyway. Fear of being harmed. Fear of having done something wrong you don’t know about. Fear of embarrassment.)
Fear is like a virus. It’s silent until it’s not. We can spread it to others. Fear can hurt us, even kill us, and fear definitely makes us dangerous to others.
So we have been simply noticing fear in our practice of finding “What’s Between Fear and Breath?”
Here’s what our emotionally naked in front of you research shows:
We live in FEAR.
- We are in fear a lot. And by “a lot”, what I mean is, WE ARE IN FEAR A LOT! We have been educated, marketed, trained, and told to be fearful in this life. We have learned our lessons far too well.
We can be such JERKS.
- When we notice we are in fear, we have often just finished saying something mean and harmful. Being in fear means we go into instant self protection – it’s ugly.
- Example from a client: You’re on the internet jerking off in chat rooms again?!? Really!?? Well guess what, you asshole? I”m going to go screw some hot woman or man or both and maybe their hot friends, too!!”
- You can see how it can go bad pretty quickly. While any of the above activities can be fun, when we have fear around not being enough, we might take it too far to prove ourselves or, just as bad. we might shrink into being the small version of our amazing self which is also not good for anyone.
We CAN do better for ourselves and each other.
- When we try to notice our fear before we act out, its takes A LOT of breathing and mindfulness to NOT say what we want to. AND the outcome is much better for everyone. Well that’s weird. It takes effort. Huh. Darn it.
- What we wanted to say is almost entirely not useful or helpful to making the situation better for us or anyone else.
We are AWESOME!
- We feel SUPER proud of ourselves when we give ourselves space to ease back into clear thinking and loving.
- We have control when we are working on this. It takes time. The Hawaiian practice of Ho’oponopono has been working for us: I’m Sorry, Please Forgive me. Thank you. I love you,
We are HEALING.
- When we are more aware and move through with more grace, we are SOLVING problems we have had for… years. We are hearing each other. We are not repeating the conflicts as often. We are finding our way.
Just so you know, it’s possible. It’s all possible.