It’s all too common.
We give and give but we are consistently attracted to selfish partners.
How do we get out of the trap?
Well, whether you’re currently with someone who’s a selfish jerk or if you’re just in between dating them, here’s how to end this distasteful issue once and for all. The ultimate Sacred Partner’s tool, if you will.
Are you Ready?
Of course you are. You’ve been waiting your entire dating life for this.
Here it is.
Let people take care of their own shit.
I know. It’s complicated. We’ll fix that in a minute.
The fact is, you just did it again. You tried to take responsibility for another person’s selfish behavior by blowing past the answer because the answer doesn’t really require you to help this person in any way other than to stop carrying the burden of their choices.
(You might want to read that again.)
First, let’s go back to the sentence you just ripped through and disregarded as “I already know that’ because you don’t.
How can I possibly know this from way over Here on my throne of rose petals and sex toys?
You still do it. You still put out more support, understanding, love and faked orgasms than your partner(s) or you tolerated another day of boring connection and zero sex or crappy sex just because you need it AND you’re still taking on the burden of another person’s selfish behavior.
Am I right?
Of course I am. Not only am I a love and sex visionary, I’m also a mirror. We are mirrors for each other. Baby, I’ve been where you are. There are times I still find myself IN IT – but not for long.
So let’s go back to the fairy dust covered answer.
***Let people take care of their own shit. Don’t hold it for them. Stop taking personal responsibility for their behavior and stop trying to fix it. How long have you been trying?
Seriously. How long have you been trying? Where can you start putting that energy right now that will help heal and nurture yourself?
Do you hear it?
That’s the tinkling of glittery Fairy Dust.
That’s the sound of you taking a deep breath and letting your shoulders drop.
This isn’t surrender. Oh, this is so far from surrender.
This is allowing.
Allowing yourself to be free from carrying someone else’s self absorbed (and maybe learned or self protective) behavior.
Allowing yourself to use all that energy for other things. Good things. Self care things. Loving things.
You may even find much more loving toward yourself and each other right now. RIGHT NOW.
Here’s why: You just created a positive shift.
You just allowed another human to be entirely responsible for themselves. This is a huge gift for both of you.
And it’s scary. It’s a new pattern. A new galaxy. A new life. And you can do this. You must do this. Again and again and again. Notice the old pattern. Allow it to melt away. Start again in the new pattern of self love, self trust, self knowing, fully feeling.
Now that we’ve allowed our chosen people to fully hold responsibility for themselves and their selfish behavior, let’s get on with what to do when you see it happen again. And again.
First, you hold the power.
When you notice another person’s selfishness, take a sacred pause.
A sacred pause is that beautiful span of slow-motion moments where you get to choose whether you’ll be triggered into the same old pattern of your own unhealthy behavior around this or if this time you’ll take the beautiful new path.
Choose wisely. (Hint: New path every time you’re able.)
Also, take a breath.
Take another breath and at the bottom of your inhale, take responsibility for your own actions in supporting and nurturing this behavior from this person every time you’ve accepted it or let it impact you. Exhale all the way. Let it go.
Second, you’ve got this.
All you’re doing is allowing yourself to make informed choices about how you respond in compassion and connection with another human that you really do love.
Let people carry their own shit. And let them know they have a choice about that just like you do.
Otherwise, you begin to recognize that it’s YOU who is being selfish. You’re trying to hold it all, control it all, make everything better.
You and me. We are simply reflections of each other. What I see in you is what I am aware of or fearful of in me.
Let’s make our reflection full of love and honoring of ourselves and each other.
Let’s help each other rise up and be more loving:
FIRST to ourselves. We skip that part way too often. First love in. Get to know and allow, maybe even accept, your own imperfect perfection, your immense love and ability.
THEN we have the capacity to love out in connection with others.
Life is a practice. There’s only magic that is practiced. There is no magic that touches you once and makes everything better forever.
We are here to experience, learn and love.
Right there. Do you feel it?
Fairy Dust EVERYWHERE.
Nice work. Now keep doing it.